Why can’t I switch off from work at night?

You can’t switch off because your brain is trying to solve a feeling.

There are two systems in a person: thoughts and feelings. Feelings are the foundation, and they drive the thoughts.

When something bothers you emotionally, your brain does what it’s built to do: it tries to find a solution. But the real issue is hidden. It’s a feeling, not a problem you can think your way out of. So the mind goes round in loops at 3am, replaying yesterday’s conversation and rehearsing tomorrow’s, and never gets anywhere.

So step one isn’t a sleep routine. It’s asking: what am I actually feeling about these office politics?

Do I feel undervalued? Unable to be myself? Bullied? Under pressure from expectations? Is it fear? Is it stress?

Once you name it, two things help.

1. Let the feeling be.

Don’t fight it and don’t try to solve it. Emotions have a natural course: if you allow them, they rise, peak and settle.

Next time you wake at 3am, try this: notice where the anger sits in your body. Your chest, your stomach, your jaw. Name it: "this is anger" or "this is feeling undervalued". Then breathe with it for two minutes, without trying to fix anything. Your system calms down because you’ve stopped fighting it.

2. Get clear, then get practical.

In the daytime, with a calm head, sit down with these questions:

• What exactly happened that hurt me? One moment, one sentence.
• What did it touch in me: not feeling valued, not being heard, not being able to be myself?
• What do I actually want here: respect, a role change, less contact with someone, a clear boundary?
• What is in my control, and what isn’t?
• What am I good at, and what drains me? Where can I put more of my time into the first?
• Is there one conversation I need to have? With whom, and what’s the one sentence I need to say?

When you can answer these, the politics stop being a fog. You know where you stand, where they stand, and what you want. That’s when the loop has nothing left to chew on.

Name the feeling, let it settle, then get clear. That’s what stops the loop.